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Experiencing denial, particularly when it occurs frequently, is far from pleasant. An editor is saying no, giving a definite “Not interested.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I started proposing manuscripts five decades ago, just after college graduation. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and numerous short stories. In the last two decades, specializing in commentary, the rejections have only increased. Regularly, I get a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 times a year. Cumulatively, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. By now, I could have a master’s in rejection.

However, is this a complaining rant? Not at all. Because, at last, at the age of 73, I have come to terms with rejection.

In What Way Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: At this point, nearly every person and their relatives has said no. I haven’t tracked my acceptance statistics—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, a publication nixed 20 submissions one after another before saying yes to one. In 2016, over 50 editors vetoed my book idea before a single one approved it. Subsequently, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. One editor requested that I submit potential guest essays only once a month.

The Phases of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections were painful. I took them personally. It was not just my writing was being turned down, but who I am.

Right after a manuscript was turned down, I would begin the process of setback:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would they be overlook my ability?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What can editors know? Who made you to judge on my work? They’re foolish and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, irritation at those who rejected me, followed by frustration with me. Why would I put myself through this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, pleading (often seasoned with false hope). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Company

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of authors whose work was at first rejected are legion. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all renowned author was originally turned down. If they could persevere, then perhaps I could, too. The sports icon was dropped from his school team. The majority of American leaders over the past six decades had earlier failed in races. The actor-writer estimates that his movie pitch and bid to appear were declined repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to wake me up and keep moving, not backing down,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my senior age, I reached the final phase of rejection. Peace. Now, I better understand the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or have one in the pipeline, or be thinking about a similar topic for someone else.

Or, less promisingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I lack the credentials or stature to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the field for the work I am submitting. Maybe was too distracted and read my submission too quickly to see its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be declined, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost little you can do about it. Some explanations for denial are always beyond your control.

Your Responsibility

Others are your fault. Honestly, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may not resonate and impact, or the point I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being too similar. Maybe an aspect about my writing style, especially semicolons, was offensive.

The essence is that, in spite of all my decades of effort and rejection, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve written two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a autobiography, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. My writings have been published in publications major and minor, in diverse outlets. My first op-ed was published when I was 26—and I have now submitted to that publication for half a century.

However, no blockbusters, no author events publicly, no appearances on talk shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no big awards, no Nobel, and no national honor. But I can more easily take no at my age, because my, humble successes have cushioned the blows of my frequent denials. I can choose to be reflective about it all now.

Educational Rejection

Rejection can be educational, but only if you listen to what it’s attempting to show. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s all wrong. What teachings have I acquired?

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